During Columban seminary formation there is a spiritual year after the study of philosophy. It is different. There are no exams but the seminarian is guided in prayer. A 30 day retreat is the climax of this spiritual year. Here, Mosese Yacalevu from Labasa shares his experience of this unique retreat.
Initially, I was worried about the 30 day retreat. I did not fully trust myself to stick it out. But on my first night I challenged myself. I wrote in bold letters on the whiteboard in my room, “In all that I do, with you, through you and in you, O Lord.” This personal prayer kept me focused. It became a firm foundation for the retreat.
Praying with the scriptures helped me to understand the life of Jesus. It drew me closer to God. The people who came into contact with Jesus also became my guide pointing me to the goodness of Jesus in everything he says and does. I was overwhelmed with joy as I meditated on the life of Christ. Some bible figures challenged me as they guided me to change my life. Mother Mary spoke to me of facing my fears and Simon Peter called me to take risks freely in my life.
I reflected on my family and on my personal experiences. I shed tears then. I came to see how my life changed through the years and how God has worked in me. I felt more genuinely alive. I stopped pretending to God and to those around me. This was the authentic Mosese. I didn’t mind being vulnerable in front of my peers any more.
I imagined myself standing with Jesus in the Jordan River as God identified Him as His beloved son, with whom He was well pleased. I began to appreciate how imagination can help us pray. For that I am sincerely grateful. Journeying with the Lord Jesus brought me deep consolation with feelings of joy and gratitude. On the other hand, I also experienced desolation at times in my prayer. Then I made scripture phrases my personal mantras, for example, ‘Do whatever he tells you, Moji’, ‘Take courage, Moji, it is I, do not be afraid’ etc. These overturned my fears and doubts in the difficult times.
Daily spiritual direction with a priest brought me profound insights. I tried to approach these sessions with simplicity and honesty. I felt vulnerable at times and yet I became stronger in faith. Trusting in my own self and in my Director caused my self-doubt to drop away. I believe that God was working in us both. I was then able to look at sin in the context of God’s unconditional love and enduring mercy.
In summary, my retreat experience changed me deeply. The Holy Spirit has brought me to deep self-discovery in my life in the course of the four weeks. Reflecting on the scriptures has deepened my relationship with God. For that I am sincerely grateful.
I reflected on my family and on my personal experiences. I shed tears then. I came to see how my life changed through the years and how God has worked in me. I felt more genuinely alive. I stopped pretending to God and to those around me. This was the authentic Mosese. I didn’t mind being vulnerable in front of my peers any more.
Moreover, I need to be humble in order to walk in the presence of the Lord. This for me means to be dedicated to the poor and marginalized in society. I must be present to them as I share the love of Christ with them. One bible verse that I felt in love with is taken from Sirach 4:4, ‘A beggar’s request, do not reject; do not turn your face away from the poor.’ The essence of life is to love. The poor have suffered a great deal and Jesus is asking me to love them.
In summary, my retreat experience changed me deeply. The Holy Spirit has brought me to deep self-discovery in my life in the course of the four weeks. Reflecting on the scriptures has deepened my relationship with God. For that I am sincerely grateful.
Mosese Yacalevu from Labasa, Fiji is studying to be a Columban in the Philippines.
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