An Indian daughter

Indian families traditionally prefer sons to daughters. Previously, a girl was seen as an expense to the family rearing her and destined to provide labour and children for another family after an early marriage. This has changed somewhat in Fiji in the last 40 years as girls have done well in education, found jobs and postponed marriage. An educated working lady earns money for her birth family now and is more sought after as a bride. But sons, who are expected to provide for their parents’ later years, are still preferred.

I was sitting behind the bus driver of the Ba-Suva bus today when a mother and her daughter got on at Vaileka and sat on the seat beside me. They were relaxed and friendly and we quickly struck up a conversation. Shweeta, the daughter, chatted about her secondary school and about a classmate who had been murdered a few months before. They asked if I was married and, when I answered in the negative, they wanted to know why not.

Shweeta’s mother told me that she and Shweeta, visited places together and shared all their experiences with each other. “We are best friends,” she said. “In fact my husband has told me that I should withdraw more from Shweeta. He says that if we continue to be so close it will be more painful for me to let her go when she gets married. But I can’t lessen my love for her now. I will just have to face the separation when the time comes.”

I was astounded. In the West, teenage daughters make every effort to get away from their mothers and family in order to hang out with their friends. It struck me that Shweeta was receiving not just a mother’s love and but a formation in intimacy. She was identifying with her mother and taking on her best attributes.